We are the Stark Family: Jon and Elizabeth (or Beth), Brody, Luke, Ronan, Isaiah (in heaven), Solomon, and Knox. (Yes, all boys.) We lost Isaiah in February 2020. Three weeks later, the world collapsed and curled into itself in isolation. For us, it only echoed the loneliness our family knew during his seven years of life, what we stumbled through in the darkness of his mental illness. Knox is our miracle baby, born with CDH ten months later. We came dangerously close to saying goodbye in the NICU. Together, we navigate the waters of grief and loss, faith, and surrender. Filter free and far from perfect, our anchor is Christ, and we are defined by our relationship with and dependence on Him. We created this space to process the trauma, to share the promise of redemption and the glimmers of hope found along the way.
We were loved by Jesus, and we were dying. If He had been here, we would have been healed. We were loved by Jesus, and the ground gave way beneath us. If He had been here, we could have continued to stand. We were loved by Jesus, and we died and were laid in a tomb. If He had been here, He could have stayed death. We are waiting on the One we love to come and call us to rise, to rescue us from the grave, to give us new life.
Jesus loved Lazarus, and still He delayed His return to Bethany, knowing Lazarus was sick. Jesus loved Lazarus, and He let him die. Jesus did this so the power of the Father would be known, and the story of Lazarus would be told throughout the ages. We know, because we know how his story ends. We are Lazarus. I grip it tight; that is my only hope. I fight the feeling of abandonment. Did Lazarus feel abandoned as he lay in bed, sick and dying? I wonder if he felt alone as he breathed his last. I wonder what joy he felt upon seeing the sun again after being called to new life by the Word made flesh. I want to feel that. Did Lazarus feel the warmth of the sun radiating from the Son of God when they embraced? I want to feel that. I hope we are in Lazarus. Please Lord, love us like you loved Lazarus. Raise us to new life. Hold us, love us, let this be our story.